Part 1

I was born on a boiling hot day in February, at a hospital in Paddington. It was the year 1997 and my mum was yet to realise what a nightmare of a story we would one day share.

I was born on a boiling hot day in February, at a hospital in Paddington. It was the year 1997 and my mum was yet to realise what a nightmare of a story we would one day share. My father mostly known as a charming man, good looking and a family man was far from what he pretended to be.

My father was born in to a family of 5 and seemingly fit in well but was the “wild” “rambunctious” child of the 3 siblings. He would spend hours building cars and tearing them apart again, continuously.

My mum was always a sensitive woman, bubbly and laughing. She was born into a family of 6, and had a rough childhood dealing with her fathers constant mood swings. It was impossible for her to feel safe. She always got along well with her mum (My nan). She felt things differently and was aware of what was going on. It is sometimes hard for other people to notice what is going on if they are not directly in the firing line of a Narcissist.

I have one brother, who is younger than me but a lot more successful in life, He finished school and always set goals an managed to complete them. I didn’t ever know how he could do that. He goes to university, he has good friends and he enjoys life. My brother isn’t rattled with anxiety and fear and never understood it. He is still in denial that anything was wrong with his childhood because he got the spot as a “GOLDEN CHILD”.

The term “Golden Child” is very common when talking about a narcissistic. Every narcissist has a golden child, a victim and a scape goat. The word “narcissist” is thrown around a lot but until you are the “victim”, It will be hard to comprehend.

When I was 4 years old I was diagnosed with an auto immune disease. “SCLERODERMA”. Not only did I have a major health condition, I got the absolute worse statistics of it. 75% of my body was scar tissue and I was on steroid medications, My growth became stunted and I started to feel my first signs of anxiety. I remember walking a long a strip of shops, it was a hot day, probably summer, I overheard a conversation my parents were having. “Either her foot being amputated or a surgery with a decent percentage to work”. I never brang it up with my parents, I kept my mouth shut and I began getting rattled with fear, I didn’t get a choice and my whole life would continue this way. This was only the beginning of a long road of fear.